Messed up
My heart's in a mess. My mind's in a bind.
So much uncertainty now, so much opportunity, so much deprivation.
So much I don't know.
Distress.
Many things have been swishing back and forth in my mind of late, and I don't even know what to begin with.
I had even more to think about after meeting Chino today at Midvalley's MPH Bookstore. I was there to collect my guitar from him and to watch Fallen Leaves' three-song set in the bookstore. I don't even know how to describe what I felt. It wasn't anything bad, but it was clear much contact has been lost over time between us. It has been awhile, and it's pretty sad that I couldn't think of much to say; so much has changed in the lives of my friends.
I really miss my freshman year, it was the most time the gang had spent together doing production shoots, the time where I had made the most friends and had the most fun ever in college. Now most of my friends have graduated, and I am almost burnt out. The most painful part is to just lose contact, but that's what's happening. I don't want to see you guys in ten years in a shopping mall and exchange cheap pleasantries and just walk away back to our own lives. But I have a feeling that that's what's going to happen too. This ain't right. This is not a c'est la vie moment.
My life. My life began as a straight road. As I walked down, it started to curve slightly, but I still thought I saw the end. Now, the road's not only winding like mad, it's a 20-lane highway with unexpected dead ends and fatal cliffs without barriers to stop you from falling off into nowhereville.
Self re-evaluation settles to a blur, and I am no more capable of knowing what's right or wrong. What I thought was right before is not now, and nothing bears a single answer. Still, I listen to myself. I find myself on my own again, as always. Because of my tendencies to different paths, I constantly see my own shadow and no one else's. What was important was strength in my decision and spirit, and I think I'll be doing that again. I might appreciate company, but I am made to be on my own.
Parents, I've been doing my best so far in all honesty, I know you have much trust in me, so I hope you'll understand what I'm planning to do next.
I won't come back when I do.
*EDIT
This is me 7 hours later:
Okay that ending sounded suicidal, but it's actually not in case you're wondering *lol*
I'm alright, cheerio...
So much uncertainty now, so much opportunity, so much deprivation.
So much I don't know.
Distress.
Many things have been swishing back and forth in my mind of late, and I don't even know what to begin with.
I had even more to think about after meeting Chino today at Midvalley's MPH Bookstore. I was there to collect my guitar from him and to watch Fallen Leaves' three-song set in the bookstore. I don't even know how to describe what I felt. It wasn't anything bad, but it was clear much contact has been lost over time between us. It has been awhile, and it's pretty sad that I couldn't think of much to say; so much has changed in the lives of my friends.
I really miss my freshman year, it was the most time the gang had spent together doing production shoots, the time where I had made the most friends and had the most fun ever in college. Now most of my friends have graduated, and I am almost burnt out. The most painful part is to just lose contact, but that's what's happening. I don't want to see you guys in ten years in a shopping mall and exchange cheap pleasantries and just walk away back to our own lives. But I have a feeling that that's what's going to happen too. This ain't right. This is not a c'est la vie moment.
My life. My life began as a straight road. As I walked down, it started to curve slightly, but I still thought I saw the end. Now, the road's not only winding like mad, it's a 20-lane highway with unexpected dead ends and fatal cliffs without barriers to stop you from falling off into nowhereville.
Self re-evaluation settles to a blur, and I am no more capable of knowing what's right or wrong. What I thought was right before is not now, and nothing bears a single answer. Still, I listen to myself. I find myself on my own again, as always. Because of my tendencies to different paths, I constantly see my own shadow and no one else's. What was important was strength in my decision and spirit, and I think I'll be doing that again. I might appreciate company, but I am made to be on my own.
Parents, I've been doing my best so far in all honesty, I know you have much trust in me, so I hope you'll understand what I'm planning to do next.
I won't come back when I do.
*EDIT
This is me 7 hours later:
Okay that ending sounded suicidal, but it's actually not in case you're wondering *lol*
I'm alright, cheerio...
Chewed out by Mystery Wolf at 1:14 AM
:
Unfortunately, these things happen in life. Time has been lost indeed. Situations change. Lives change. Friendships too, but the change doesn't mean people aren't friends anymore though. Cheer up. It's never too late to rekindle friendships.
MARK A TERRITORY
<< Home